Liz’s rant: That’s a stupid law

For various reasons, I often find myself asking, “what’s wrong with people?” While I usually ask it from a rhetorical perspective, there are times when I really do expect an answer. At the least, I’d like to deliver some people a big fat bonk on the head with one of those giant cartoon hammers like Bugs Bunny had.

Where am I going with this? I recently stumbled across some super strange laws still on the books – right here in America:

• In Glendale, Arizona it’s illegal to drive a car in reverse. Let that one sink in a minute.

• In California, it’s a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. It’s also illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license or to eat an orange while in the bathtub. In one city, a person must own two cows before s/he is permitted to wear cowboy boots in public. Another city slaps a $500 fine on butterfly molesters.  (I imagine there are lots of kids who are glad they don’t live there – not that I ever disassembled a butterfly or anything… I’m just sayin’…)

• If you’re a cat owner in Sterling, CO, and your cat goes outside unattended, it must have a tail light. Really??

• Maybe you’re a dog owner. If so, it’s illegal to educate your dog if you live in Connecticut. You’ve been warned.

• Do you find yourself tossing and turning, night after night, wondering why the chicken crossed the road? The world may never know. Because in Quitman, GA, it’s illegal for chickens to cross the road. This from the same state that makes it illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

• Ever heard the old adage, “Smile and the world smiles with you” ? Try “smile or face legal charges” – at least in Idaho, where it’s  illegal to look unhappy.

• In one Kansas city, it’s illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper. I’ve snapped many a green bean in my life. Always used my hands, so I’m guessing if you’re in Wichita, you may want to keep your hands out of your pockets.

• Here’s one of my favorites. In New Orleans,  it’s illegal for a woman to drive unless her husband is in front of the car waving a flag. Does this mean the husband has to sit on the car’s hood? Must he run in front of her, waving the flag as a warning signal to other drivers? What happens if the wife steps on the accelerator and runs over him?

• In Baltimore it’s illegal to scrub or wash sinks no matter how dirty they get. Flylady would not be happy.

• One Missouri city really went nuts, where it’s illegal to make a squirrel worry. Who decides if the squirrel is worried? How do law enforcement know if a person caused the worry? What if the squirrel just lost his nuts, with only himself to blame?

• In New Hampshire, it’s illegal to dye margarine pink. Granted, I’m not sure why you’d want to. But should such a temptation raise it’s head, I’d advise you to think twice.

• In New York, it’s against the law to throw a ball at a person’s head for fun. Talk about your wet-blanket, spoil-a-free-lunch party-poopers. Geez. Of course, New York also has laws that prohibit the blind from driving.

• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property in Oklahoma. You may want to read that one again.

• Depending on where you are in Oregon no whistling underwater, boxing with kangaroos or juggling without a license

• Rhode Island prohibits people from throwing pickle juice on a trolley. Which begs the question: why would you want to?

I wish I could say that such crazy laws are a thing of the past. But considering a new rainwater tax being proposed as we speak, maybe the question, “what’s wrong with people?” isn’t as rhetorical as I thought.

-Liz