Kate’s Escapades – Caution…what we say is not necessarily what we mean

Why is it that what men and women say is often not what they mean?  Here’s a translation guide to help keep you out of hot water with your significant other…

What Women really mean when we say…

(1) ” I’m fine” – Things are not fine and I’m mad at you.  (The word ‘fine’ actually stands for freaked out and angry)

(2) “I’ll be ready in five minutes” If she is getting dressed, or touching up the make-up or hair,  this means a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if YOU have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) “Nothing” in reply to you asking what’s wrong – This is the calm before the storm. Nothing DOES NOT mean nothing. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) “It’s ok, go ahead” -  This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) “Loud sigh” – Not technically a word, but  a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) “We need to talk” - I need to complain and I expect you to listen.

(7) “Are you listening to me?” - If a woman says this, it’s probably already too late to dig yourself out.  You are so dead.

(8) “Whatever” -  You’re wrong, I’m right, so you should just shut up now.

(9) “Don’t worry about it, I got it” : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that she has told you to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in you asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For her response refer to #3.

(10) “Thanks” – A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

What Men really mean when they say…

(1) “That’s very interesting, honey” – Crap! Are you still talking?

(2) “It’s a guy thing” – This really only means, don’t try to make sense of it because there is no logic involved.

(3) “I’m not lost. I’m a human GPS” - I have no idea where we are and we may never see civilization again.

(4) “You know I love only you” - I’m finally used to the yelling and screaming, so I give up.

(5) “You look great” - I’m tired of waiting for you to get ready. I don’t care if you’re in your pajamas, let’s just go.

(6) “That was an amazing movie” - It was full of explosions, beautiful women and hot cars.

(7) “Oh man, I cut myself.  It’s no big deal, I’ll be fine” - I think I may be slowly be dying inside from severed arteries.

(8) “Why do you work so hard? Take a break” - The vacuum is preventing me from listening to what the commentators are saying on ESPN.

(9) “I always forget things, you know how it is” -  I have selective memory.  I remember the score from last weeks game, and how fast my first car went, but I can’t seem to remember your birthday

(10) – “Can I help with dinner?” - Why isn’t dinner ready?  I’m starving!

This translation guide provided today by Kate and lots of other smart people on the internet. Hee hee

~Kate

Enjoy your Coffee Break.

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