Sometimes, I wonder why I put myself through it. Because, quite frankly, there is no perfect planner out there.

Oh, sure, I’m a big fan of Franklin Covey, but at the beginning of every year, no matter how many planners I look at, I still come away somehow unsatisfied.

I know I’m not alone, based on the number of customers in the store, in the same aisle, staring at the same planners, and reacting as I was:

Pick one up, look through it. Put it down, pick up another one.

And so it continued. Not only at one office supply store, but at every one I visited over the course of a week or so. I suspect I wasn’t the only one who left empty-handed. OK – so I watched everyone else, and know I wasn’t the only one.

I think the main problem with these yearly planners is that we secretly count on them to do much more than keep track of our appointments and to-do lists.

We tend to look at these planners as a cure-all.

We wonder which planner will make our lives better. Which one will actually improve our quality of life.

We wonder which one will represent total transformation – turning the unorganized into the organized, or the less-than-successful into the total successes.

We ponder what format serves us best – daily? weekly? monthly? Daily on one side with the month on the other side of the page? Weekly on one page (with great big squares for each day, so every second of the day can be planned) with another page of blank space for everything that didn’t fit into the little weekly square? Or maybe a giant notebook would work best, sans calendar or any form of dates, filled with grocery lists, store errands, hockey practice and Operation Athlete info?

I think it was at store 7, where I turned to look at one of the guys who’d been in that aisle before I arrived. I asked him his opinion:

“Why is this so difficult?” Nothing like a rhetorical question. Especially when the questionee drew a blank equal to that of the  questioner.

“I don’t know,” he’d said. “All I know is I have 15 minutes to make this decision, and wish I had all day.”

It occurred to me that perhaps I should employ his technique and put a time limit on my decision.

I came back to my senses in relatively short order, though. Because somewhere out there are planning pages with my name on them. And when I find them, this year, I may take things one step further and actually write on them.

-Liz

It started innocently enough last week, during a routine homework assignment. But as I would learn, things were about to take a spiral into the abyss I will simply refer to as the numbers game.

They call it mental math. I call it insane.

This new mental math takes, for example, this scenario: 93-42. (It always starts so innocently, doesn’t it?) First you subtract the numbers in the 10s spot, leaving you with 5,  then you subtract the number in the ones spot, leaving you with 1. The answer? Clearly 51. But the problems got more complicated. For example, let’s use 53-47. Now, unless you round up the 47 to 50, you’re gonna land on the wrong answer. Assuming that’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s hard to say.

Anyway, it was at that point in the assignment when homework took a decidedly -wickedly – bad turn for the worst.

I began by writing the problem down on paper, just like I had done in grade school, where the bigger number was on top, the smaller on the bottom. We started in the ones column – always. And everyone knew you couldn’t take 7 from 3. You had to borrow from the 10s spot, making the 5 a 4, and the 3 a 13. Which had Colton looking at me as if I’d just landed from Mars.

So I took my other avenue – the way my brain was plugged into math. First I took the number 47, immediately deducing that 7 plus 6 equals 13. So 47 plus 6 equals 53.

“But that’s not what my teacher said to do,” Colton said.

“Yes, dear, I realize that. But what you fail to realize is this is making my head spin.”

I briefly pined for his days in first grade, when I was so naive to think his school days would be as sweet as Dr. Seuss. The reality was this math homework would have a certain third-grade teacher going crazy with her red pen if we didn’t figure it out.

So back we went to the stupid little bubbles, with me trying to explain that sometimes you could subtract the 10s numbers from each other, and other times you had to round up… I think… or the answer would remain elusive. Just as elusive as the bubble math was to me.

Then came a eureka moment: “I know what I’m doing now,” said my insistent third-grader. And I was happy about that. Except for the fact that I’d gone for the calculator, now. Unable to tell him whether his answer was right, wrong, or even a real number. Which is where I need to tell you how much I’ve always hated math.

My head hurt, the eraser was running on its last leg, and the fear of future math homework rendered me unable to remember my own name.

Except to say that in all the fog, one thing is clear: I’m failing third grade math.

-Liz

So being the perfect mother I am (quit laughing), I spent a good deal of time surfing the internet and looking at print shops for graduation announcements. The first thing that caught my attention was how far we’ve come from my days as a high school and college student. Although the classic announcements are still available, they’re overshadowed by new, hip announcements, featuring photos of the graduate, the family dog or, in some cases, a full blown collage.

Others featured sappy poems about “smiles and tears throughout the years” crap. I don’t think so.

Some people have dismissed the paper altogether, opting to send out emails, directing the email-ee to a website dedicated to the graduate. (Tempting… very tempting…)

Through my traditional-thinking eyes, none of these options resembled graduation announcements. And the pricing on the paper versions was through the roof – as in you may wanna take out a second mortgage.

So I returned home, opened up a new project in Publisher, and stirred the creative brain cells. After designing two cards, I showed them to Hannah, who seemed pleased with my work. (Like she has room to say jack squat this late in the game.)

Except she wants a card that folds. Note to my daughter: flat panel cards are cheaper than the folded ones for a reason.

“Why do you want a card that folds?”

“Because I’m gonna put my graduation picture in them.”

“Really? And have you chosen which graduation photo you’ll use?”

“Not really.”

“When do you plan to do that?”

“IDK. Oh – also, can you make the card flip up, not across?”

“I… D… K…”

She was really pushing her luck – and all the wrongs buttons with me.

Throughout our entire discussion, there’d been one more burning question in the back of my mind – one I’d almost been afraid to ask:

“Tell me you at least ordered your cap and gown.”

“Of course I did. What do you think I am, Mom? Crazy?”

“I’ll let you decide that, dear. Meanwhile, I have announcements to design, so get out, make yourself useful and pick out the photo you want to include.”

“Can I do that later? This has worn me out.”

-Liz

The day began innocently enough. I went to my dad’s office to show his apartments to prospective renters. After unlocking the apartments (which are conveniently located next to dad’s office), I noticed several cans and bottles in the yard and set out to pick up the trash. After picking up after the litter bugs, I went into the office to wash my hands and placed my cell phone on the sink counter.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this – only that I won’t be doing it again. Because I knocked my cell phone off the counter, where it took a bee line for the toilet. I followed my knee-jerk reaction and dove after it, later being thankful that the toilet was flushed – and since I was in a physician’s office, I held a certain level of faith in the toilet’s cleanliness.

Anywho, this whole episode transpired in no more than three or four seconds, clearly landing within the parameters of the five-second rule. Maybe there would be as much hope for the  phone as there were paper towels to dry it off.

Or maybe the moisture would build almost immediately, rendering my dear Blackberry as useless as a dead landline. Don’t misunderstand – at that point my phone appeared to be working. In fact, it rang. Unfortunately, there was no way to answer it. Nor was there a way to check the emails that already totaled 23.

It was probably about that time that I felt a sense of sheer panic wash over me – no way to call anyone, no way to access my list of contacts, no way to send an S.O.S. text to anyone who’d listen, and no way to get to a Verizon store in short order.

Flash forward about two hours, to my arrival at the cell phone shop, only to find my most favorite store manager, Rachel, at lunch. It wasn’t that no one else could help. It was just that I wanted to talk to my friend. But at this point, we were at DEFCON 4 1/2.

I listened to my options: make an insurance claim, pay $50 plus shipping, etc;  switch to my daughter’s old phone, which is hanging around for times just like this – for an EMERGENCY; or I could get an early upgrade for 20 bucks, not including the $29.99 for a new Blackberry, after the $100 rebate.

I chose option four. Which is where you may want to take notes. I brought the phone home, took out the battery (again) and grabbed the hairdryer. After about five minutes of blow-drying my phone, I went to the kitchen and pulled out the Uncle Ben’s Long Grain and Wild Rice, dumped it into a baggie and sealed my phone and battery inside. Then I prayed the cell phone prayer.

To my surprise, all of the moisture on the phone screen had evaporated after about six hours. To my dismay, the phone is still not working (although it turns on, rings and retrieves my emails and texts).

Apparently, these little tricks have been known to work before. But this is me we’re talking about, so I’d advise all of you to quit holding your breath.

If I had the capacity to be rational about this whole ordeal, I’d be well-served to realize that I am addicted to my smart phone – not to mention my computers, and every other tech-savvy gadget I own. I’d take the time to reflect on the fact that, 20 years ago, cell phones barely existed, not to mention the internet. I made it through just fine back then. I can make it through now.

But we can talk about that later. Right now, I’ve got to get to the Verizon store. I need a new phone. And I must have it NOW.

-Liz

Here’s a quick and easy way to catch your second wind in two minutes. Simply rub each fingertip for about 15 seconds. That stimulates acupressure points that boost flow, which jumpstarts your energy level by sending extra oxygen to your brain.

~Woman’s World

When you are feeling tired, just take a look at something bright green. Receptors in the eye are sensitive to the color’s wave-length, stimulating the brain and relaxing the eye strain that causes tiredness.

~Woman’s World

Obviously this wouldn’t be a problem in the middle of summer. Even if the A/C had gone out, I’d have been just as content to roll down the windows and let the fresh air in – not a practice I’m willing to implement in 20-degree weather.

You’d think the fact that it was miserably cold – especially when Colton and I headed out the door for school in the mornings – would have been enough. Worse though, was this little teaser game the fan played. It would run for about 20 seconds, slow down, speed up again and quit.

Sometimes going over a bump would jolt it into action, but I figured it probably wasn’t in the best interest of me or the car to play “hit the pot hole.” The best I could do was pray for sunny days and hope that Mr. Sun would provide enough heat in the enclosed space to at least take the chill out of the air.

Thankfully, my brother’s mechanic (Jason) at Vespa Lexington agreed to look at the car last weekend. He unplugged plugs and did whatever it is that mechanically gifted people do. After reconnecting, the fan appeared to be working once more.

For all of about 15 minutes.

Once again, the bloom was off of the rose, if you will. Actually the bloom was likely freezing. I know I was.

Luckily, Jason was a good sport about it all, told me what part to get, and agreed to make the repairs a couple of days ago. About three hours later, all appeared to be in tip-top shape.

But I’ll have to wait for another day to be sure it is fixed. Today was 60 and sunny. At least for today, heater fan working or not, I finally had some semblance of heat.

-Liz

I came across a story called “Tap” your way to happiness. Well, I’m all for some extra happiness, and if all I have to do is some “tapping”, whatever that is, I’m game. The article promises that “About 80% of people who try it feel relief within just one minute,”says Peter Lambrou, Ph.D, and co-author of Instant Emotional Healing.

So, apparentlyTapping therapy – also called “emotional self-management” combines the benefits of acupressure with rhythmic tapping. It promises to lull the brain into a relaxed, trance-like state. Hmmm…I like relaxed, trance-like states. So I decided to give it a try while sitting in my car.

First, let me explain to you the rules of correct tapping.

Using the tips of your index and middle fingers, firmly  tap the specified spot 30 times, at the rate of one tap per second. As you tap, close your eyes and focus your thoughts and energy on a positive outcome. To get the full tapping benefits, do all five areas.

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Here are the five spots to tap.

To feel full of energy -

On the back of your hand, find the indent between the bones of your pinkie and ring fingers – an area known as the “Gamut point” and tap as you say to yourself, “I feel energized and alert.”

Why it works: “The Gamut point is associated with the endocrine system; tapping it triggers the release of energy-inducing hormones like adrenaline,” says Lambrou. “And saying an affirmation as you’re tapping shuts down negative thought patterns, redirecting you to something more positive.”

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To evaporate anxiety –

Gently tap the bony ridge below one eye socket, then the other, while repeating, “I am calm and content.”

Why it works: “This area corresponds to the stomach, which is where we physically experience most of our anxiety-related symptoms. You’ll feel your muscles relax, your mind calm down and you’ll get a sense of distance from your problems.”

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To unlock trapped stress –

Firmly tap the area directly below your collarbone. in the indent beside the breastbone and repeat to yourself,”I feel completely relaxed.”

Why it works: “This spot connects directly to the hypothalamus, the brain’s emotional control center, which helps shut down the body’s fight-or-flight response.”

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To soothe away anger and tension –

Tap the inside of your pinkie finger along the nail on the side closest to the ring finger, close your eyes and tell yourself, “I am releasing all my anger.”

Why it works: “In traditional Chinese medicine, this spot marks the beginning of the heart meridian, and stimulating it makes it easier to let go of frustration, anger and any toxic emotion.”

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To send self-confidence soaring –

Tap in the upper inner corner of one eye socket, where your eyebrow meets the bridge of your nose, then on the other side. Repeat the phrase, “I can handle anything.”

Why it works: “These points are associated with the nervous system, so stimulating them helps you release negative emotions and move past everything from a minor slight to a major upset.”

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My results:

Surprisingly, I would have to say that after tapping all five spots and repeating the positive phrases, I did indeed feel calm, focused and energized, even with a car full of noisy kids.  I can’t say if this was a result of the tapping, the positive thinking, or a combination of the two. Give it a try and let me know if it works for you. Leave me a comment below.

~Kate

Enjoy your Coffee Break!

*Leave a commmet on this, or any, post and be automatically entered in this week’s giveaway.

Here’s a look at some of the funniest moments from Coffee Break with Liz and Kate 2009. And if these are any indication of what’s to come, Coffee Break will be the place to be in 2010!

We present:

The funniest moments of Liz and Kate 2009

(Random quotes taken completely out of context, ’cause that’s how we roll here at Liz and Kate…heehee!)

“A bunch of dogs going and running and sleeping and playing, some are up, some are down, and no one likes the girl’s hat – until the very end, when they all drive to the tree and have a big party.”  (Liz’s Rants: I Hate Homework)

“Be careful what you prank about because you never know when it’s going to come back and bite you in the butt.” (Kate’s Escapades – Another ridiculous story…)

“I was going to be mowing said yard with a giant pair of scissors on wheels.It was my worst lawnmare come true.” (Liz’s Rants – Green, green grass of home…)

“They didn’t exactly eat the whole couch, but they might as well have.”  (Kate’s Escapades – The Dogs Ate My Couch!)

“I can’t even go to the restroom in peace.” (Liz’s Rants – Gotta go?)

“This may necessitate some zig zaging through the aisles because you can’t just cross off an item willy-nilly from the  end of the list.” (Kate’s Escapades – The List)

“And if you’re thinking you’ll take revenge because your cousin or brother or uncle or aunt is slithering in my trashcan as we speak, my neighbor put your scaly little friend there, not me.” (Liz’s Rants – Not in my trash can)

“This is an emergency…I’m growing a mullet.” (Kate’s Escapades – On the news a family dies…)

“I’m clueless as to how one would enter the cupcake. Maybe the icing lifts up.” (Liz’s rants – Get in your cupcake and drive)

“Oh myee heck, we wuz at the star with Cheltsie the uther day hwhen we found a ril gud sel on these gargeus mou-un peechurs.” (Kate’s Escapades – Cowboy Wannabe)

“The stare-down would have been laughable had his beady little eyes not been so… beady.” (Liz’s rants – No cat…and the mice are playing)

“I’ve secretly wanted one for years, but never had the guts to buy one for fear of being ridiculed by my fellow man.” (Kate’s Escapades – my secret yearning to Snuggie it up)

“Hold on to your toaster, folks – there’s a new national emergency.” (Liz’s rants – Leggo my Eggo)

“My mailman hates me.” (Kate’s Escapades – My Mailman Hates Me)

Hope you enjoyed our recap of some of the funniest moments on Coffee Break with Liz and Kate. Until next week, we wish you health, happiness and prosperity in the new year!

-Liz and Kate

In fact, we are celebrating this one to the extent that you may wanna exercise a little caution in our presence. One wrong word and our heads just might spin off our necks. You’ve been warned.

While we doubt many of our male readers will be celebrating with us, we’re betting on the fact that many of our female readers will be able to effortlessly relate.

Regardless, consider today a day to share your rants if you’re as momentarily overwhelmed as us. We’d love to hear about it (misery loves company), and suspect it’ll do you some good to get your last-minute Christmas worries and frustrations off your chest.

Until tomorrow – Bah, Humbug!

-Liz