Here’s the latest development in our long suffering and on going saga (Sounds like a potential book in the making…Kate and the Mailman).One day last week  around noon I had just walked out my front door and was headed to my car to make a quick trip to the store to pick up a few things. (The List.)  The mailman had just put my mail into my box, and was driving in front of my house to get to the neighbors mailbox.  Perhaps he could feel my eyes burning a hole into the side of his head, because he turned to look at me staring at him and he smiled, waved, and moved along his merry way.  I waved back and thought since we had just had a few incident-free weeks of mail delivery,  perhaps things between the two of us were becoming amicable, maybe even pleasant.

I did my shopping, came back home, and grabbed my mail on my way back into my house still thinking happy thoughts of butterflies and cupcakes and Taylor Swift.  (Inside joke here with reader Jesse…check out this Guest Rant post to get the reference.)  Anyway, as I was sifting through my stack of mail, underneath the bills I found a  notice from the post office telling me that I had a registered letter waiting at the post office for me to sign for.  The little box was marked that said it couldn’t be delivered because no one was home to sign for it!  EXCUSE ME? NO ONE HOME? The mailman WAVED at me seconds after he put this notice in my mailbox! He SMILED and waved and drove off.

I was fuming.  How could a mailman so completely disregard his mailman duties of actually delivering me my mail. I wanted to march right out  and tape a Coffee Break with Liz and Kate business card to the mailbox with a note about a story or two he might find interesting.  I also weighed the pros and cons of filing an official complaint with the post office.  I mean really, the mailman could really create havoc in my life if he accidentally misplaced a bill or two, or a kids birthday card from Grandma, and no one would ever be the wiser. Was that a risk I was willing to take?

I drove to the post office, notice in hand,  still uncertain of my course of action.  As I waited in line I decided I was just going to get my letter and leave it at that, but when I walked up to the counter the nice man helping me was the same man who helps me when I send off the prizes to all my giveaway winners.  He asked me how my day was going and that’s all it took.  I spilled the beans…told him the whole sordid tale of my mailman issues and ended with why I was there that day to sign for my letter.  I TATTLED on my mailman, and it felt good.  Then I tattled on him again to the postmaster.  He assured me he would take care of the matter.

So now I sit and wait to see what happens next, wondering if the war will escalate even more or if my duly scolded mailman will finally just do his job.  Only time will tell, I suppose.

Whenever friends  would come to visit and I would see them pulling their car into the “forbidden zone”, I would run out like a crazy woman waving my arms and yelling, “Don’t park there or we won’t get our mail!”  And sometimes it would be the neighbor’s visitor parking there, but did he get punished with no mail, absolutely not, we did.  I began peering out my window like an obsessed psychotic person, trying to keep that spot clear.

Then the mailman stepped it up a notch.  Did you know it’s also against postal policy to deliver the mail if the walk is not shoveled or there’s ice near it in the road?   In the middle of a snow storm, he walked up to my box to leave me a note (which he put INSIDE the box) telling me he couldn’t give me my mail unless the snow and ice was cleared.  Huh?  Did my neighbors all get mail on the snowy day with uncleared walks? Yep, sure did.

So once I got the parking situation under control, and the snow problem resolved, my mailman must have decided he needed to find a new reason to torture me.  Did you know that apparently it’s also grounds for no mail delivery if your trash cans are out near the box on garbage day.  I even pull them froward enough so the mail truck can slip right in next to the curb.  Obviously not good enough, because I got a note taped to my trash cans as well.   Usually this is not a problem if the garbage truck is running on schedule, because the trash is in the morning , and the mail in the afternoon.

Ah…but just this past Monday the trash man was running late – it was mid afternoon before he got here and the cans were still in the road.  My 9 year old son was out front playing when he saw the mailman going down the other side of the street.  He was then faced with a dilemma – run and hide (which is what he usually does due to an unfortunate mailman/snowball incident last year) or move the cans so we could get our mail.  To his credit he made a mad dash to move the cans, two to be exact.  He was just grabbing the second can to pull it out of the road as the mailman was approaching, and instead of stopping, the evil mailman grinned, sped up and drove right by.

And for your grand finale, readers, here is the incident which makes me the most angry.  It happened a month ago.  I was sitting out front on a porch swing reading a magazine.  There were two cars parked in the driveway, and one parked in front of the house.  I couldn’t see the mailbox from my swing, but I could hear the mail truck stop at my box and open it to deliver the mail.   He then pulled forward and looked over towards my house and we locked eyes.  I could tell he was shocked to see me siting there.  He put his truck into reverse, went back to my box,  pulled out the mail and walked up to me with mail in hand and a smile on his face.  Here’s the deal, he had a registered letter for me, you know, the kind you have to sign for. (A letter I was waiting for.)  Instead of walking up to my door to have me sign for it like he was supposed to,  he put one of those “Sorry we missed you – you’ll have to come down to the post office to pick it up” notes in with the regular mail.   He knew he was caught and his explanation was that he thought no one was home…three cars out front AND me sitting there, and he THOUGHT no one was home!  He was just too much of a lazy jerk to walk up to my door to have me sign for the letter.
I am mad.  I’m done jumping through hoops and playing his sick mailman games.  But I’m also scared to file an official complaint.  He has the control and power.  He could easily just “lose” my important mail, and no one would ever know the difference.

Mailman update: More on the ongoing saga of my mailman hates me

Dear readers..any advice?

~Kate

Enjoy your Coffee Break!

The problem really began a few years ago (which in mailman years is probably more like 14 years, oops! or is that dog years?)  At that time I had 5 teen-aged kids living at home.  That means 7 licensed  drivers in our home and 6 vehicles to try to park in front of said home: 2 in the driveway, 2 in front of the house, 1 across the street, and 1 at the little piece of curb to the left of the driveway between my house and the neighbor’s, which also happens to be where the mailbox is.  (You’ll notice that none are parked in the garage, but that’s a story for another day.)  Well, we were comfortable with our parking routine…everyone knew where their car belonged and took the same spot every day.  We had been doing this for the whole summer.

And then all of the sudden we stopped getting mail.  Which was very odd, with 9 people living here there was ALWAYS mail of some sort for someone.  Day after day I went out to get the mail, and the box was empty.  At about day 3, I peeked into my neighbors box which is about 5 inches from my box.  He had mail.  ( I know, that’s probably some sort of federal offense punishable by public stoning, but I won’t tell if you won’t.)  Next day, same thing. And the next. Then on day 6 there was a handwritten note tucked under the wiper of the parked car telling me that it is illegal to park in front of mailboxes.

I couldn’t believe that was really true so I looked it up on the internet, and sure enough the rule states that ” parking is prohibited within 10 feet of a private driveway on Monday through Saturday (except holidays) between 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. when a mailbox is located within five feet of such a driveway.”  Did you know that?  ‘Cause I had no idea. I rarely break rules intentionally, I am a rule follower by nature,  so here I was breaking the sacred postal service laws.  But here’s the thing…the mailman was putting mail in the mailbox 5 inches away from my mailbox.

He walked to the two boxes stuck into the same patch of concrete and gave my neighbor his mail, but not me.  Well, that’s just rude, but we were breaking the rules so we rearranged our parking and left the spot clear.  But guess what, still no mail the next day.  I followed his rules, and still an empty box.  So I left the mailman  a note taped to the outside of the mailbox, politely informing him that we had moved the car, and asking him if he would PLEASE deliver our mail.  That was a Saturday and on Monday, our box was stuffed to over-flowing with a whole week’s worth of mail.

One could safely assume that was the end of the problem, right? Not a chance because apparently the war was just beginning…

Come back on Thurs. for Part 2 of “My Mailman Hates Me.”

~Kate

Enjoy your Coffee Break.

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