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Coffee Break with Liz and Kate » Headline, click to read more, neighbourhood watch essay »

First, they came after Christmas, as words like winter break and happy holidays were crammed down our throats lest someone be offended if they heard the term, “Merry Christmas.” And Heaven forbid you say words like nativity and scene in the same sentence – much less in public. Then they came after Thanksgiving.

So it should come as no real surprise that Easter eggs are now under attack.

It seems some students at a private Seattle, WA, high school were told to perform a week’s worth of community service during spring break. So one sophomore student decided to volunteer her time at a third-grade public school class. Toward the end of the week, the sophomore decided it would be fun to bring some plastic Easter eggs, filled with various candies, to school for the third-graders.

But the sophomore wasn’t sure whether the teacher would be open to the idea. Earlier in the week, she’d attended a meeting on the school’s “abstract behavior rules”. That being said, I’m betting you can guess where this is going. After broaching the subject with the teacher, who also talked things over with the administration, the eggs were approved. But with one small caveat: they’d have to be referred to as spring spheres, not Easter eggs. You heard me right. Spring spheres.

Let’s tackle the word “sphere” first, shall we?

A sphere is a perfectly round geometrical object (like a ball)… completely symmetrical around its center, with all points on the surface lying the same distance  from the center point. Go anywhere on the sphere and the radius  or diameter (radius times 2) will be exactly the same.

Guess the ol’ bunny’s gonna have to find a way to lay round eggs… Either that, or Seattle’s finest are going to have to decide whether they want to sacrifice educational quality for political correctness. Or maybe they’ll just redefine spheres to include ovals or egg shapes.


If the issues surrounding the egg/sphere controversy are based on the fact that Easter is celebrated by many as a religious holiday – and I bet ya 50 cents they are – I feel it my duty to point out one thing: Next to the Easter bunny, a bunch of hard boiled colored eggs are about as secular as you can get. Think about Easter dinner, for example. Deviled EGGS!! Helloooo!!

Clearly we have a major problem with political correctness. But, in keeping with the Lenten season, and of course Easter, I’ll tweak an age-old saying and simply offer this to the lame brains in Seattle:

Go suck a sphere.



UPDATE from one of our readers who chose to remain anonymous. His suggestion? We change it to hemisphere :-) Keep those ideas coming, people!

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