There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.  -Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Oddly enough, there are three computers in this home…

This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. -Western Union internal memo, 1876.

Again, we have three of those, too…

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? -David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

Ha! Can you imagine life without a radio? No talk radio? No music to suit any mood? Not this chick.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible. -A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.

I’ve always admired Fred Smith. Thank God he didn’t listen to the professor.

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? -H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

Can  you imagine silent movies? I remember seeing them at some pizza place (there was also a player piano there) and it drove me batty.

I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. -Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”

Wonder how many times Mr. Cooper rued that decision?

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make. -Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.

Market research, splarket research…

We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. -Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

I’d love to know what made this company think guitar music was on the way out.

The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty, a fad. -The president of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford’s lawyer not to invest in the Ford Motor Co., 1903.

I for one am glad I don’t have to take vacations on horseback…

And now for my favorite:

Everything that can be invented has been invented. – US Office of Patents, 1899

What will you invent today?

-Liz

Words like that always take me back to the deadly twister outbreaks on April 3, 1974. I still remember that day with great clarity.

I’d been staying with a friend for a few days – Mom and Dad were somewhere in Georgia, driving back home. We were outside playing T-ball in the warm and windy sunshine, when her mother told us we were under a tornado watch. As the afternoon progressed, my sense of unease grew. My friend totally dismissed me.

“Nothing’s gonna happen,” she’d said.

Oh, really? I thought. You’re the same girl who was driving us on your mini-bike and ran us into an electric fence on your

Photo by John Labore, April 3, 1974 at the hometown of Liz and Kate

own farm, all the while insisting it was your farm – you’d know if there was a fence there. I’d like to point out that I still carry the scars on my right arm and right leg, courtesy of the fence that “wasn’t there.”

Anywho. It was a Wednesday. We left for town for choir practice, where my friend’s mom dropped us off. It seemed odd that there was almost no one at church – even though we’d arrived a little early. We’d soon found out why: church services had been called off because of the severe weather threat.

I called my parents. No answer. Called my grandparents. No answer. Looked around for anyone I knew. Saw no one.  So I did what any 11-year-old would do. I panicked, convinced that this was where it would end. Right there in the parking lot at Cynthiana Baptist Church.

Which is about the time that the warning sirens sounded, setting the tone for what I was certain would be a life-long love/hate relationship with severe weather. From that day forward, that same sense of panic never failed to accompany a severe thunderstorm warning – much less a tornado warning. Yep, I suffered from Lilapsophobia.

I’m not sure what prodded me to attend a weather-spotter class at Bluegrass Airport about 15 years later. For a half-dozen weeks, I attended the class, learning everything I could about tornadoes – how to judge clouds, spot funnel developments, read the radar. You name it – if it was severe-weather related, I was the girl to know.

Then came the movie, Twister. If I’ve watched it once, I’ve watched it a hundred times. I wonder if that would be considered self-inflicted torture…

Oddly enough, while I lived in Florida, I rarely gave tornado warnings (much less watches) the time of day. Maybe it was because I lived on an island, and felt certain that most of Florida’s tornadoes hit on the mainland. Who knows. I even followed a water spout one time, and remember thinking I’d probably make a good weather chaser. I’d even made it through the hurricane season that brought us such jewels as Frances and Jeanne, among a few others that weren’t direct hits.

But the moves back to Tennessee and then Kentucky brought the Lilapsophobia back in rare form. Needless to say, I wasn’t well-served when I got a Tweet from my favorite meteorologist Chris Bailey yesterday:

Potential historic tornado outbreak unfolding today from the deep south into lower Ohio River Valley.

Enter that sinking feeling. “So this is how it ends,” I thought, as memories of 1974 and Twister combined into a new, more violent blockbuster movie in my mind. By mid-afternoon, the first line of storms was rapidly approaching. (And I was scrambling to clean out the closet under the staircase…). It was about that time that Colton and two of his friends came in. One of them was in tears.

“We’re all gonna die,” he said.

“We’re not gonna die,” I quipped. “Calm down.”

It was as if something inside me snapped. I wasn’t about to deal with whiners. Which meant if I wasn’t gonna allow them to whine, I couldn’t whine either. My attitude changed from panic to awareness. I tested the flashlight’s batteries, fully charged my cell phone, put a blanket in the now-cleared closet and went about the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Meanwhile, Chris Bailey kept tweeting the tornado warnings, as the storms were starting to fire up again. I decided to check out his blog and look at the radar, and noticed he was going to take the site “live”.

For the first time since I chased the water spout, I was actually looking forward to following the storms. Apparently I was far from alone. Over the next three hours, more than a thousand people got in on the act, chatting live from as far away as Utah, (was that you, Kate?) asking how bad it would get, what to look for, when it would be over.

Others were reporting the weather in their back yards: shelf clouds, bows on the radar, hail, green skies. That was what I wanted to be doing! So I walked outside, observed and reported my findings. Instead of being afraid, I was excited!

Colton didn’t immediately  share my sentiments. So I brought him in to watch the radar, showed him what was meant by the “bow” in the radar, helped him understand the purple, red, orange and yellow clusters, and let him read the live weather chat.

Luckily, central Kentucky was spared the worst of the weather. The mid-afternoon storms had dropped the temperatures into the low 60s, stabilizing the air just enough to keep Mother Nature from going bonkers.

Part of me was a little disappointed. Another part was relieved. At least momentarily. The atmospheric stage is setting up  for a similar severe weather outbreak next weekend. 

-Liz

For purposes of entertainment, nostalgia and/or history, here’s a broadcast from WHAS in Louisville, KY on April 3, 1974.

Until she went further into details of what kept us from getting a higher grade.

Apparently – according to this website grader – Kate and I need to dumb it down, as it were. I was appalled. And quite frankly, I think you should be appalled, too. This isn’t rocket science here. It’s a coffee break, for crying out loud. A place where we get to talk to you guys about a little bit of everything, hopefully giving you a good laugh or a fabu recipe, a helpful piece of advice or a reason to cry (we are two sentimental gals, after all).

And now we need to dumb it down? Are you kidding me? Not gonna happen, Harry.

I remember years ago in journalism school how surprised I was to discover that most newspapers are written at no more than a fifth-grade level.  So maybe this dumbing down thing shouldn’t be a shock.

What it is, though, is totally unacceptable.

I did a quick bit of research that points to a few other unacceptable truths when it comes to reading, et al:

• U.S. adults ranked 12th among 20 high income countries in composite (document, prose, and quantitative) literacy.
• Approximately 50 percent of the nation’s unemployed youth age 16-21 are functional illiterate, with virtually no prospects of obtaining good jobs.
• 21 million Americans can’t read at all, 45 million are marginally illiterate and one-fifth of high school graduates can’t read their diplomas.
• 44 million adults in the U.S. can’t read well enough to read a simple story to a child.
• 50 percent of American adults are unable to read an eighth grade level book.

Dumbed down, indeed. Check out more interesting statistics on literacy here. Just be prepared when your head starts spinning.

Needless to say, we’ve made an executive decision here at Coffee Break. We will not be dumbing down our website in an effort to increase our website score, fit into the norm, or otherwise buy into some politically correct notion that in order to gain mass appeal, we must appear dumber.

We think more highly of ourselves than that. By the same token, we think more highly of our readers than to pull a stunt like that. And we certainly hope you’ll agree.

*Just add a comment to this post, or any other post for that matter, and be automatically entered in this week’s giveaway.

-Liz

these random and useless facts. These were sent to us by a Coffee Break reader.  While we can’t verify the correctness of all of these facts, we think they are funny, interesting, informative and, above all, useless. Perhaps these tidbits will help you win a game show sometime. If so, please remember us. Enjoy!

-  The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

-  No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

-  Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

-  You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

-  Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

-  The first product to have a bar code printed on its package was Wrigley’s chewing gum.

-  The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache.

-  In 1987 alone, American Airlines saved $40,000 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

-  Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

-  Eating an apple in the morning will wake you up better than caffeine will.

Be sure to come back tomorrow for more totally useless stuff. Heehee!

*Leave a comment on this, or any, post and be automatically entered in this week’s giveaway!

When Sweden burned bunnies for fuel this year, all the world was a tad taken aback. Let’s face it – it’s not every day when people gather up a few thousand bunnies for execution (as the Swedes do every year to counter the rapidly multiplying bunny population). But when the bunnies are burned as a fuel source, somehow that makes things worse.

While I am not casting a vote in favor or opposition of this practice, I find it odd that the same people that seem to scream “Save the planet” at typically deafening tones are the same ones having a problem with this ingenious idea which not only controls the furry hippity-hoppers but is also environmentally friendly. Think about it.

Moving right along, we have Rage Against the Musical Torture.

Seems that Rage Against the Machine and Nine Inch Nails got their panties in a wad when their music was allegedly used to interrogate prisoners at Club Gitmo. So much so, that they lead singers petitioned the government for information on exactly how the music had been used.

First, let me say that if your music is deemed a threat to terrorists, you should be thrilled that you are doing your part to keep America safe. See, I understand why they’d use some of your songs, quite frankly. Not a judgment – just truth.

Second, by making yourselves a victim, you are wasting a prime opportunity to market your music. But not my problem.

That said, I’ll lighten things up (at least a little) with the American Girl doll named after a fugitive. True story.

Apparently the fictional name given the doll (who was supposed to be a circa 1914 Jewish-Russian immigrant) wasn’t a fake name afterall. Rebecca Ruben, as it turns out, is an apparently armed-and-dangerous arsonist wanted by the FBI for a series of fires in Oregon. Ironically enough, the company named another doll with the same name as a homeless person from the Great Depression era months later. Clearly, the rhetorical question of “what’s in a name?” isn’t so rhetorical after all.

Go here to see the rest of the Top 10 Oddball Stories of 2009, and be sure to stay tuned for Kate’s Top 10 list pick tomorrow!

This week’s other top ten lists:

Top 10 quotes

Top 10 new species

-Liz

*Leave a comment on this, or any, story to be entered in this week’s giveaway.

Let’s begin with one near and dear to me – Bill of Rights Day, which lands on Dec. 15. Instead of hopping on my soapbox and stressing the importance of these rights, and turning this into civics 101, I’ll bring  you a piece of trivia that you may or may not know.

There were actually 12 amendments in the Bill of Rights draft, dated Dec. 15, 1789. But the First Congress only ratified amendments 3-12 in 1791.

The original first amendment would have regulated the number of Representatives by state populations, while the second one would have prohibited Congressmen and Senators from increasing their salaries during the current term of office.

Because of the failure to ratify the original 2nd amendment, both chambers continue to vote for their own raises – a practice I find despicable. So before I set off on a full-blown rant, I think I better change the subject.

Barbie and Barney Backlash Day falls on Dec. 16. It’s a real shame this one is so close to Christmas. I’m betting we could have a lot of fun if this one was celebrated in, oh… say, April. As it is, it’s way to close to Christmas to take any  chances,  so might I encourage a little decorum here. As tempting as it may be to dismantle your little brother’s singing Barney or chop of Malibu Barbie’s hair, don’t forget the naughty and nice list. It’s much easier for Santa’s elves to scratch you from the good list than it is to get your name put back on it.

Moving on to Dec. 17, we have National Regifting Day. I stand in total opposition to this one, believing that it is in extremely poor taste to receive a gift only to turn around and give it to someone else.

First, it is an insult to the original giver, who likely thought long and hard as to the perfect gift. Second, it is an insult to the new recipient. Might as well look at the new receiver and say, “Well, Merry Christmas. So-and-so gave me this sweater and I can’t stand it, so I’m giving it to you. That way, I don’t have to spend my money.”

Oh, sure. You may have been brainwashed to believe that it’s socially vogue to re-gift. Or maybe you’ve been led to believe that by re-gifting, you’ll save the planet. Save those little excuses for the shelf elf. And until next week, get your party on!

While I don’t remember giving it much thought in my younger years, it appears that, in the end, choosing a college or university is similar to buying a car. I’m choosing a car, by the way, because most people keep cars from two to six years – essentially the equivalent of time spent in college. If you have a better analogy, I’m happy for you.

So what do we consider when buying a car? Well, looks for certain. Admit it. Most of us have a preference when it comes to a 1970s Pinto versus a 2010 Lexus. Don’t lie.

We want to be a Lexus.

We also have our quirks as to whether or not the school has a football team (think GPS), a Greek society (think sunroof) or a more than one building on campus (think heated seats, DVD player and the like). Are classes small or will you be attending lectures with 350 other students? (Think a nice room-y car versus one where you’re packed in like a sardine.)

Add to that the enthusiasm of those who show us the campus. Too little enthusiasm equals “I don’t care who you are,” while too much enthusiasm equals “get your hands wallet.”

Tonight, we had the latter. Oh sure, high school to professional in 18 months is tempting. And it just might be the way to go.

Then there’s the flip side of four-plus years of college. There are a lot of classes that really leave you scratching your head as to their merits – where you’re forced into decided between taking a class in Sub-Saharan African Politics and Underwater Basketweaving in order to graduate.

Gotta be a tough decision if you’re 17 or 18. Especially when every college tour guide promises that their school is the best.

The point is, you have to find a school that feels good for you, regardless of what anyone else has to say. Just like you have to like the way the steering wheel feels as you wrap your hands around it, or the way the clutch releases.

And for every graduating high school senior out there, you’ll have to find your own version of a Lexus. Which will probably mean listening to a lot of used car salesman types on your search for the perfect college. They may promise you the world, but it’s up to you to do the test drive. Take the time to do that, and I’m betting you’ll find your Lexus – even if that means driving a few Pintos along the way.

-Liz

*Enter a comment at the bottom of this, or any other post, and be automatically entered in this week’s giveaway!

Surprising Brain Booster

Ever had your teen show you how to work your new cell phone, only to find yourself completely stumped a few hours later?  Go to bed and give it another go in the morning.  A good night’s sleep can help you relearn complicated tasks – even if you forgot them the day before, according to the University of Chicago.  How does snoozing boost your recall?  Sleep seems to consolidate and stabilize your memory, restoring what your mind may have lost over the course of the previous day.  It also backs up the data (similar to backing up your computer’s hard drive) so that you won’t loose the information again.

Kate

Enjoy your Coffee Break!

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a red squirrel around here before.”

I’m thinking, “Well, that’s nice. Shouldn’t you save your martinis until after lunch?”

Thank goodness he went on to explain.

For the first time in years, he’d actually witnessed a red squirrel in he and mom’s back yard while we were talking. He’d seen them before, just never in this neck of the woods.

News to me, because I’d never heard of a red squirrel.

I couldn’t wait to tell the kids. They’re both squirrel crazy as it is, and this would be one more little factoid they could store in their nutty little brains.

Although he never mentioned anything about them flying, I was wondering if they could. We all know how, uh, squirrel-y, squirrels can be.

Which is about the time I glanced out the kitchen window, and swore there was a baby bat hanging right there in broad daylight for all to see. In the course of one short conversation, I’d learned about the red squirrel and witnessed a baby bat hanging outside the kitchen window.

After beefing up my courage meter (you’d have been momentarily freaked out, too…) I decided to take a closer look at the little bat.

Turned out, it was a dried leaf, stuck in a cob web. Who could’ve seen that coming? Maybe I was the one in need of a late-morning mimosa…

(UPDATE: One day after above conversation, Dad and I were in the car together: “There’s another red squirrel,” he said. Ironically, no one else in the car had seen it…)

-Liz

How sick are you of seeing those before-and-after ads for magic diet pills? Seriously! Of course, trying to get away from them is no easy task. They’re on the radio, the TV, the internet and in magazines.

All I can say is promises, promises. (Or maybe, liar, liar, pants on fire).

You know the lines:

“I don’t have to WORRY about what I eat! I just take one magic pill before each meal and watch the pounds fall off!”

Of course there’s my all-time favorite: “Now, my husband calls me his trophy wife.”

Which begs the question, “what did he call you BEFORE?!?!” (I think you see where I’m going with that one…)

The most amazing part of these ads, though, has to be the fact that all these diets not only make the pounds melt away like magic, they apparently perform plastic surgery as well. I defy you to look at the before-and-after pics and try to tell me they didn’t a.) have boob jobs; b.) get face lifts and c.) have all the excess fat and cellulite sucked from their bodies.

Let’s get real, here. If these pills did what they promised, there’d be no need for plastic surgeons or liposuction. In fact, we’d all be perfectly fit and proportioned Barbies.

Here’s some more reality. If you have to look like a super model in order to feel good about yourself – much less gain the approval of others -  the need to drop a few pounds is likely the least of your problems.

-Liz

Enjoy your Coffee Break!

Want to submit your own story to be considered for the Guest Headline post to run on Fridays?  Just let us know at lizandkate@live.com.