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Coffee Break with Liz and Kate » Entries tagged with "humor"

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Last Friday was the big day – the day I moved my daughter into her dorm at college. Luckily, the drive was only an hour or so.  On arrival to her new “home town,” we were greeted with numerous signs, welcoming the students. A fast food restaurant piped in a local radio station, that devoted its broadcast to all things campus. We topped off the drive with a wait in a line of cars in a parking lot adjacent to campus, waiting for our turn to get to the dorms, unload and move out. It was quite a site to behold, as ROTC members and anyone ‘lucky enough’ to have been part of early move-in converged on the cars, grabbing boxes and lamps and chairs and flat-screens. (Who knew so many … essay of religion

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Liz’s rant: The return to the era of the Flintstones

Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I have to confess I was wrong. Seems some professor has engineered (using the term loosely) a new human-powered car. That’s right, a crank-and-go vehicle that resembles a cross between something from the town of Bedrock and oh, I don’t know… a centipede. Assuming you have four people in it, cranking away as needed, you should be able to avoid being rear-ended, reaching speeds as high as 60 mph (I wonder if you have to be going downhill?) And if you’re going uphill? Well, you’ll be lucky to get the speed to 30 mph. So even if it’s not Sunday, you too can be a Sunday driver every day of the week with this little gem. If only one person is behind the wheel, … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: Have a seat…

There seems to be a growing phenomenon in my city – one that highly disturbs me, quite frankly. What is this new fad that has my head spinning? Outside furniture. No, I’m not talking about a nice patio set or a pair of wooden rocking chairs gracing the deck or porch. I’m talking about furniture that’s outside. As in upholstered furniture. As in it belongs in the living room or family room, people! Picture this oddity that I spotted several weeks ago: A house with a large tree stump in the front yard. On top of said tree stump? A recliner, covered with genuine imitation zebra fur. Yes, I realize I should have taken a photo right then and there, but I didn’t. Frankly, I was too embarrassed to be seen stopping … Read entire article »

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Get your party on: 8/15-8/21

Let’s jump right in to this week’s holidays with August 15, which heralds National Relaxation Day. Again, the term “national” should give you an indication of just how serious they are about this one. I wonder if relaxation in the 21st century may sound easier than it actually is. It’s my experience that even when I’m relaxing, the wheels of my mind continue to spin. I suspect it’s fairly rare that I achieve a true state of relaxation. Maybe this holiday deserves a little more merit than it receives. In fact, maybe it should be incorporated into a weekly schedule versus being a yearly event. It’s worth a shot, right? So I hope you’re rested, because next up is “The Meaning of “is” Day, which should prod you to … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: Lucky 13

As it happens, this Friday will be one of many Friday the 13ths that we’re all fairly accustomed to dealing with. For some, like my oldest son, it’s not a big deal. In fact, he’s always considered it good luck to a certain extent. Of course, he doesn’t have a lot of choice in the matter. He was born on Friday the 13th at 1:13 p.m. on the day that one of the installments of the movie Friday the 13th hit the theatres. Dad brought a full-page newspaper ad with him to the hospital all those years ago, as if to say “YIKES!!” I will never forget him handing me that ad. “Jason is Back” it read. As more luck would have it, I’d named my oldest son Jason. Alas there … Read entire article »

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Kate’s Escapades – Quirky Observations

I’ve just returned home from a wonderful two weeks at Liz’s house. We did plenty of playing around, but also squeezed in some concentrated effort on a cookbook we are making, In the Kitchen with Liz and Kate: Practically Painless Recipes. (FYI…We’ll be taking pre-orders within a week or two, and they will be available for Christmas.) While there I couldn’t help but notice some quaint and quirky observations about the differences between my current state of Utah and my former state of KY. Observations: I’ve noticed the famous KY rolling stop is still the accepted, and preferred, means of stopping at a stop sign. When you are done drying off after a shower, you still feel completely damp. In the battle between my hair and the humidity, the humidity is clearly the victor. This is … Read entire article »

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Get your party on: 8/8-8/14

Let’s get serious for just a minute. How many times have you read “Palooza” and thought, “this is about food, plain and simple. All these people ever do is eat – or look for an excuse to eat.” Think about it! I don’t think even one week goes by without some mention of food. Most of it chocolate-y. I will likely quit writing when chocolate covered ants are given their own day. I’m just sayin’… Meanwhile, we have more chocolate to consume. I gotta give some serious props to this one though, as August 10 isn’t just about chocolate. Oh, no. It’s about marshmallows. And graham crackers. And chocolate. Yep, August 10 is  S’mores Day. Some of you may feel that S’mores can only be properly made over a campfire, therefore depriving yourselves of … Read entire article »

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Liz and Kate go on an adventure to the chocolate factory

Let me begin by saying I feel sick. Not “sick” sick, just sick. Like I just ate too much chocolate – as in waaaaay too much chocolate. But sometimes I feel it is my duty to take one for the team – especially where guilty pleasures are concerned. You see, Kate and I just returned from Old Kentucky Chocolates, where we discovered the inside scoop on how a bean that doesn’t even resemble the taste of chocolate is transformed into melt-in-your-mouth sweetness, as if by magic. While we got the 4-1-1 on the process, I stared at an oversized, 75-pound chocolate bunny (which wasn’t even solid chocolate, causing me to question how much it would have weighed if it was solid) and did what any normal chocolate factory tourist would do: I … Read entire article »

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Liz’s Rants: Backpack blues

T-minus 9 days until the first day of school and we’ve received my third grader’s teacher assignment and school supply lists. Before “serious” conversation can occur, let’s dispense with the preliminaries, shall we? First came the question of why my kids had 67 days of summer break, while Phineas and Ferb have 104. And they asked the question as if I knew the answer, when my head is jello after a two-month break from school. I say, what’s wrong with the year-round system. (Of course I say that primarily to get their reaction: “Mohhummmm!”) Let’s start with Hannah. Oh, the excitement of her freshman year in college. A new backpack, a syllabus for every class, typically requiring the purchase of textbooks and a notebook or two, and countless hours of campus bookstore … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: The wine rack

You guys know how fond I am of bringing you weird things, lest we forget “You go, girl.” Not one to disappoint, I’m back with another product that I really should have seen coming. Alas I did not. Now before we get into this one, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that there are several portable beverage products on the market. So the portable part isn’t new. But the implementation is. To what do I refer? The wine rack. Yep, the wine rack is a new bra that holds up to 25 ounces (or 750mls) of your favorite beverage. It comes complete with a drinking tube, and is the surest way to go from flat to  fabu if you are a woman who is perhaps, uh, not very … Read entire article »

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Get your party on: 7/18-7/24

Welcome to another week of party central! Let’s get things rolling with Toss Away the Could Have’s and Should Have’s Day, which lands on July 19. I suspect we all have our lists of things we should’ve or could’ve done, but for whatever reasons, we didn’t do ‘em. So today is your day to forgive, forget and move on. National Get out of the Doghouse Day is this day as well. I hope none of you find yourself in the position of needing to get out of the doghouse, but if you’ve done something that met with disapproval, today’s the day to play the appropriate “get out of jail free” card and leave the doghouse to the true canines among us. Spooner’s – or Spoonerisms – Day is on deck for … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: Who could’ve predicted that?

I ran across a few predictions from the past that I found quite amusing. In many cases, had such predictions been accurate, our way of life would look nothing like it does today. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.  -Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 Oddly enough, there are three computers in this home… This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. -Western Union internal memo, 1876. Again, we have three of those, too… The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? -David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: MJ – alive and well?

That’s right folks, MJ – the King of Pop – the singer that put the B in Bad – seems to have surfaced in the most unlikely of places – at a Fourth of July celebration barely more than a week ago. I know what you must be thinking. “How can this be?!?” Well, don’t look to me for answers. I’m just the messenger, here. And I’m just as shocked as you people. All I know is I received an email from someone who shall remain nameless. Let’s just say I know her very well. In fact, I’ve known her all my life. Heck, you could even call her a family member. But that’s neither here nor there. Suffice to say, she is a very reliable source. On seeing the photos, my 8-year-old … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: The ants go marching

Earlier this summer, a line-up of small, brown-black ants paid a visit to my kitchen counters, which really irritated me to no end. After all, ants have their place in the world – and that place is outside, thank you. Anywho, on my discovery, I grabbed the cinnamon – the same substance I’d used last year with  one-application results: sprinkle and forget. It was my equivalent of swatting a fly with a flyswatter. One direct hit and it’s gone. Needless to say, I was quite confident that this one-stop treatment would once again work in a matter of two or three days, and I could get on with finding other reasons to stay out of the kitchen.  I was right – at least for about  three weeks. Not the first ant … Read entire article »

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Liz’s rant: Sellers beware

Is there anything worse than getting very attached to your next door neighbors only to see a “for sale” sign go up in their yard? Ok, I guess there are worse fates… but in my opinion, this one is pretty bad. For more than two years, my family has developed a great friendship with this family of five, and seeing them go, although their house is yet to be sold, will chalk up as one of the sadder moments I’ve experienced. And I dread it like the plague already. Oh, sure. I’ve tried guilt. I’ve tried bribery. I’ve pulled out (almost) all the stops attempting to convince them that moving is in the best interest of no one. But they seem H-E-double hockey-sticks bent on moving. Something about needing more room, three … Read entire article »

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