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Coffee Break with Liz and Kate » Headline, »

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So I’m minding my business the other day and notice that a bunch of twigs and straw had found their way into my mailbox. We’d had quite a bit of wind in the days prior, so I wasn’t completely surprised.

In fact, I didn’t think twice about it – just opened the mailbox and plucked it all out. Flash forward a few days later, when I stepped out the door to get the mail and found that the twigs were not only back, they’d multiplied.

In fact, they’d taken form. That’s right. There sat a large birds nest, tucked into the corner of my mailbox. And when I say corner, I mean it was tucked into the corner. Not that it just took up the corner. Oh, no. This bird’s nest takes up almost half of the box.

At first, I thought it was sort of novel and neat, and yelled for Colton.

“You’ve gotta see this!”

We’d just lifted the mailbox cover to slowly peek in  when a bird flew out and did a quick fly-by of both our heads, causing us to let out an audible squeal. I may have said a bad word… At that moment, I realized the mailbox had been taken hostage by the birds.

First thought? The nest must go.

Then I had a few second and third thoughts… what if the birds had flown the entire city, scoping out the perfect place to raise their feathered family, and every other location was unacceptable? What if this was their greatest last stand? What if I move the nest and discover eggs? What if the mommy bird never finds the baby birds?

Just imagine it: tiny little baby birds, unable to defend themselves, desperate for food – so much so that they innocently approach you-know-who’s cat.

“Are you our mother?”, they’ll chirp. “No, but you are my dinner,” the evil cat would reply. Next thing you know, the birds come searching for me, and peck my ears, or worse, eyes, and we enter the world of Alfred Hitchcock and The Birds, Revisited.

What happens if we leave the porch light on? Fried eggs?

What if the postal service levies a penalty for bird nests in mailboxes? Who gets fined? Me or the uninvited birds? Or will the mailman cease and desist all delivery?

The only immediate solution I see is to set up 24-hour surveillance and wait for the mommy or daddy bird to leave, then swoop in (much like the bird had done to us), retrieve the mail, and high-tail it back into the house.

The mailman is on his own.


OK, people. As I mentioned in the title, the story has been revised in order to bring you the latest in the bird nest saga.

I wasn’t home when today’s mail ran. And to tell you the truth, I’d forgotten about the bird’s nest until I went to the front door. Luckily, my mail had been delivered. The nest, however, is nowhere to be found. Gone with the wind, as it were. Only black metal exists where only yesterday, a family had built its home.

I don’t know what to say… except to tell you that the birds’ anger is clear, judging by the incessant pecking on the living room window. They’ve been angered now. If I was the mailman (which I am glad I am not) I’d consider wearing a hard hat, tomorrow. Just sayin’.

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