Some days, writing articles for money is about as enjoyable as a trip to the dentist. In fact, there are days it’s so painful that I employ a variety of methods – whether it be using several tactics at once or spreading them out to further delay the inevitable.
Needless to say, yesterday was one of those days. As much as I hate to admit this, I have the process of procrastination down to a science, evidenced by the day’s accomplishments (or lack thereof…).
So without further ado, I bring you my Top 10 ways to procrastinate: (Reader warning: don’t try this at home.)
Step 1: Denial. If you deny the fact that your work has to be completed right this second, you can easily talk yourself into incorporating the next nine steps.
Step 2: Surf emails, Facebook and that one networking site you’ve been meaning to join. Take, for example, LinkedIn. Joining such a site is clearly beneficial. It’s a great way to network for your business. This whole process should take at least a couple of hours. After joining, of course you’ll want to locate others you may know, do some networking and invite friends to join you as well.
Step 3: Spend excess time in the shower, applying make-up or drying your hair. If you’re a man, after shaving, hit the mirror every few minutes. When procrastinating, it’s much easier to grow that 5 o’clock shadow by 9 a.m.
Step 4: Look around and declare your living quarters a “disaster area.” Exclaim aloud that no one would be able to think clearly in the midst of such a mess – and if you aren’t thinking clearly, how can you possibly be expected to do your best work?
Step 5: Realize you’re hungry. Search desperately for food. Find nothing that sounds good and begin your shopping list. Lord knows you can’t produce when you’re hungry.
Step 6: Linger in the fresh produce aisle at the store. Ask the clerk for the best way to pick a fresh cantaloupe. You may consider consulting the butcher, too, as long as you’re there. Ask them to select cut your meats.
Step 7: Realize if you’re going to cook, you’ll need to fire up the grill. Uh-oh. Propane tank is empty. What choice do you have but to return to the store? While at home picking up the propane tank, check emails and Facebook. Accept the new friend requests or search for new friends to add.
Step 9: Create a list to assist others who find themselves procrastinating. If you’re going to procrastinate, you might as well do it right.
Step 10: Your day should pretty much be shot at this point. In fact, it could be late evening if you worked this right. Grab a glass of wine, a cold beer or Kate’s kickin’ Brazilian drink and let the guilt begin to consume you. Because if you’ve truly and effectively procrastinated, guilt is the next logical – and perhaps deserved – step.