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Liz’s rant: The shelf elf

December 8th, 2010 | 3 Comments

I wrote about this last Christmas, and since it is the season, let’s re-address it. Looking for a way to keep your kids in line year-round? Here’s a little trick you may want to consider (Liz says with a tinge of sarcasm):

Get a shelf elf. That’s right. A shelf elf.

Every night, when the kids go to bed, move the elf to a different spot in the house, making it appear that the elf sneaks off to the North Pole to report to Santa while your little angel sleeps, and returns to “spy” on another area of your home.

When the kid gets into trouble, you present their options, for example: either take a time-out or go tell the shelf elf what you’ve done, so he can go tattle to the big man in red. (Kinda brings new meaning to “don’t be a tattle tale,” don’t you think?)

The elf has other rules, too. While your children can talk to the elf freely, the elf is forbidden to speak to the children. He (or she) is, however, granted any and all communication with the parents and North Pole.

The shelf elf (or Elf on the Shelf) even has its own website, if you can stand it.

While I’m all about the most wonderful time of the year, and even though I still believe in Santa (you better believe it!), this whole elf-on-a-shelf concept seems just a little creepy.

First, it’s always watching you. As if it has eyes in the back of its head or something. What about when you’re taking a bath? Is it watching then, too? EEWWWWW!

Second, these elves, as presented on the above website are tiny. Which makes me wonder if they perhaps are not elves, but goblins (which, as we all know, is what happens when gnomes and leprechauns get drunk… on a beach… at night…). I have to wonder if they’re really bad seeds – not elves at all. And if that’s the case, why in the world would I want one of these in my house? Watching my every move?

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that my third reason for skepticism would be the notion that some of these parents seem to count on the elf to incite good behavior in the first place, which is a whole other roll of wrapping paper as it were.

Moreover, I should probably watch every word I utter. Because the elves are watching… The elves are always watching…