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Coffee Break with Liz and Kate » Headline, Liz's Rants » Liz’s rant: Not in my trash can

Liz’s rant: Not in my trash can

liz and kate cup asterisk patternI think we’ve all been there/done that where my hatred of snakes is concerned. In fact, I think I relayed a little story of the man in the carriage house who put a live snake in the trashcan several months ago, thinking the snake was dead.

It was not.

Flash forward to Saturday, when same carriage house inhabitant asked if my child had steered me away from the trashcan.

Through the crawling of my skin, I managed to ask if, in fact, the snake was dead, this time.

“I don’t kill anything,” came the reply, only to be answered by my next statement:

“Then put it in your lap, take it for a drive in the country and DROP IT OFF!!” But there was no answer – at least not one to my liking. Just a sick laughter as if to say, “no way! It may come after me!”

So here’s the thing. If you don’t want to kill it, don’t put it in the trash can. And my rant to my neighbor carriage house dweller could go on and on. But to the snakes, yep – the big S word – comes my real message:

You slimy (yeah, yeah, whatever) slithery creatures that disrupt my life? It’s time for you to hibernate. I hate the cold weather. you hate it more. You should already be well underground in my opinion. If you aren’t already headed that way, be prepared to rake my leaves because I’m just not real big on running into you.

I am but one person, and I don’t like you. I realize, however, that you have your merits. I know you play some part in the world, but that doesn’t mean our worlds should collide and you should be slinking around in my yard. Try one of the other yards in the neighborhood. Just stay out of my way, and trust me – I’ll stay out of yours.

And if you’re thinking you’ll take revenge because your cousin or brother or uncle or aunt is slithering in my trashcan as we speak, my neighbor put your scaly little friend there, not me.

I would have taken much different measures – primarily by letting out a blood-curdling scream first, which would have scared you too, Mr. Snake. You’d have high-tailed it into the bushes, I’d have retreated to the relative safety of my house, and I wouldn’t have to fear my own trashcan…
liz pic-Liz

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Filed under: Headline, Liz's Rants