My dad’s birthday was Monday, so I set out in search of the perfect birthday card. Mind you – any time I’m looking for a greeting card, it’s a big deal, not to mention quite time consuming. As I stood in the “male birthday” section of the card shop, I was dumbfounded at the fact that seemingly every single card related to golf. Dad is not a golfer.
If the card didn’t relate to golf, it depicted a lazy, beer-drinking, TV-watching, yard-mowing doofus, whose only role, presumably, was to hand over the car keys and cash to the spoiled kids and wife. Disgusted with my findings, I moved on to the sarcastic birthday cards. More up my alley – and dad’s.
After about 20 minutes of searching, I found a perfect card – one that made me laugh out loud (think along the lines of Gary Larson’s Far Side, and other similarly warped and hilarious greeting cards).
My work was far from finished, though. Monday was also my parents’ anniversary. So off to the anniversary section I went. As bad as the golfing dads cards were, the sappy, cheesy throw-up-in-my-mouth rhymes were even worse.
I don’t like sap – especially when it rhymes. Cut to the chase and don’t be cheesy about it, either, thank you.
Case in point (I’m making this up, but guarantee you could find these or similar words in any card store. Try it.):
Your birthday is this time of year and we can hardly wait.
Everyone who knows you has got to think your great.
So we’re sending you this card of love in hopes that you will know
You’re the best dad in the whole wide world, and we’ve looked high and low.
The thing is, I’m a pretty sentimental person. I just don’t like cheesy. So don’t be surprised if Kate and I start offering a new line of greeting cards. Because I’m done with sap.