Liz’s rant: I can’t sleep

Well, I was asleep – for about 30 minutes. Then I bordered on being wide awake. So I turned on my always-in-the Bose-system ocean sounds CD.

Nothing.

So I thought about strange things – like what my “perfect life” would look like. What I’d be doing next weekend. What I’d give just to be able to go back to sleep.

And it occurred to me that the moon must be full.

So I got up. It was only 12:15 a.m. and a holiday weekend – and I decided to do a little research.

Don’t think I don’t know what you’re saying, because I do. As far as I’m concerned you and all the other Austrian scientists can’t tell me a full moon has no effect unless you stayed awake a night in my bed. (Work with me – remember? like, walk a mile in my shoes? Seriously, you people need to lighten up…) So this “study” says a mere 8 percent of the population is sleep deprived during full moons – apparently not enough to warrant a full moon wake-up call.

I think this is a good time to point out Austrian researchers used only 391 people in their little experiment. Hardly a broad consensus in my view.  But add to this the fact that, according to these researchers, too much or too little sleep can put us at a higher risk of heart attack. (Oh, yeah. I’m sleeping like a baby, now… Are you kidding me?!)

Anywho, I decided to look elsewhere… and found this:

“I KNOW! All those werewolves roaming about outside, breaking things, that CONSTANT howling, and all the cats are gone the next day if we forget to bring them inside that night… you’re telling me. Curse those nocturnal wolf-men!”

Then there was the person who said he wasn’t superstitious, so he could sleep whenever.

It’s not about superstition, people! I didn’t know the full moon could equal lack of sleep until the last few months! It was the power of deduction over those last few months that caused me to realize there are one to three nights a month when I just can’t sleep!One plus one equals two, for crying out loud.!

THIS ISN’T A CONSPIRACY THEORY I’M TRYING TO PASS OFF!!!

And it was with those thoughts that I realized my insomnia coupled with rising blood pressure, was precisely the reason those Austrian scientists warned of attacking hearts.

I’d left one thing unchecked though. I wasn’t sure the moon was full. I’d simply reasoned that for several months, my inability to sleep had coincided with the full moon.

So I looked at the lunar calendar. Then I looked out of the window. Indeed, the moon was full.

And I seem to have trouble sleeping when the moon is full.

-Liz

Enjoy your Coffee Break.

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