Hey Hockey Moms!!!Are you ready to feel like a million bucks? Ready to be in the best shape of your life? Ready to be a hot mom? I guarantee this will change your life!!!
Hmm, I thought. There’s gotta be a catch. But I like Ted. And I trust him. So I started giving the proposal some thought. Until Sunday, when email two came, with something about sending out a personal request to his favorite hockey moms in the subject line.
Guess who took the bait? Hook, line, sinker.
I sent Ted an email that read more like confessions of an out-of-shape, laden-with-bad-habits, middle-aged-woman. I stressed the fact that it had been some 25 years (maybe more) since I’d seriously worked out, that I was a lot more out of shape than every other woman, that I was probably the exception to the “anyone can get into the best shape of their lives” rule. Plus which I had nothing to wear.
The response offered a world of encouragement and an offer: Try it. Just one time.
We all know where this is going, don’t we? Yep. The following Tuesday, I showed up for my first training with Operation Athlete. For those of you who know me, quit laughing. I mean it.
It’s hard to say where we began that day. Except that we had to start sweating in order to begin the warm-up phase. There was jumping, then jumping higher, giant skips and sprints and James Brown moves. Fast, hard training. Go at 300 percent, break for 10 seconds. Try not to pass out. (heehee).
Everything was a blur about 30 seconds in. Oh, sure, I remember the hopping from one side of the roller rink to the other. Pretend your feet are tied together and you have go get somewhere fast, using the strength in your arms to sort of thrust you forward. I mean it. Try it. Now do it until you’ve crossed the width of a basketball court. Then came the push-up inversion thingie, which really wasn’t that bad and felt like relief because at least I didn’t have to walk or run. And let’s not talk about the full body squat.
Half way in, I couldn’t feel my legs or arms, and the girl next to me was praying that she wasn’t having a heart attack, which was what I was wondering.
Forty minutes later, training ended. My head started throbbing and I wondered how I’d get the car into gear, apply the gas peddle and drive home. Clearly my body was in total shock – and denial. I flopped on the couch, first, thinking I should probably sleep it off. I was hungry and every inch of me was sore. My clothes were drenched and I was too tired to move. When I finally got up, I realized even my brain was exhausted. So I just waddled through the house, wondering why it was that I couldn’t even think straight.
Which is probably about the time Ted called to make sure I was doing okay and offer a pointer:
“If you can’t get your arms up to your head to wash your hair, just bend you head down to your hands.”
He also reminded me that the first day would be the worst day. It was all downhill from there. Uh, huh… sure it is…
Once my brain decided to hook back up with the human race, I began pondering a few questions. A. What in the world possessed me to give this a try? B. What if day two was just as bad as day one?? and C. Was Ted really crazy enough to think that after all I’d been through, I’d really be chomping at the bit to return in two days? Was he crazy?!?
And then, the weirdest thing in the entire world occurred. I started feeling a little cocky. Even though I could feel muscles I never knew I had (while having great difficulties moving any of them), I suddenly had a newfound sense of empowerment.
“Workouts are for wimps,” I said to Colton. “You really want to get in shape? Train like an ATHLETE and quit being such a sissy!” Colton just rolled his eyes at me.
The next day, even my eyelids hurt. Worse than that? Only 24 hours separated me from day two at the torture chamber. As the day wore on, I flip-flopped between empowerment and outright fear. As day turned to night and back to day, I found myself praying to God for safety, perfect health and protection. I’d need all three – and quick. Because I was out the door and on the way to day two…