I’ve always wondered who writes the descriptions of lotions, perfumes, or shampoos. I mean, it must be someone’s job to write something like, “Indulge your senses with soft lilacs with this luxurious moisturizing wash.” Or maybe, “Let the scent of apple blossoms transport you to a place of beauty and tranquility.” Those were surprisingly easy to come up with, but might have made the literary part of me die a little.
As terrible as these beauty product descriptions are, at least they identify an actual scent. I have noticed recently that many products have names that are not scents at all and do absolutely nothing to inform you what the product is supposed to smell like. Bath and Body Works is one of the worst offenders. I found a new scent there that I actually really like, but the name, oh the name. Black Amethyst. Are you kidding me? Seriously? Now, I’ve never sniffed an amethyst, but I imagine if they smell like anything, they smell like minerals or rocks. Not good. And for another, amethysts are purple, not black. I can’t even connect that title to the scent in some abstract way, like the way the sunshine might smell yellow. Even as I read the back of the bottle, all I learn is that Black Amethyst is a “sexy blend of spice.” Well, what does that mean?
I think a fair requirement is that at least one word in the title must be something related to a scent. So if you’ve got a coconut scented product, please put coconut in the title. I don’t care if you want to add something dumb to it like Coconut Oasis or Dreamy Coconut Swirl, or whatever. Just tell me what I’m smelling!
So maybe I’ve added another totally meaningless pet peeve to my long list, but there is a practical reason for my annoyance too. If I’m looking for a new scent, and I know that I like honeysuckle, then the only way to find it is if the title includes honeysuckle. I’m not about to smell hundreds of perfumes till my nose is dry and my head is pounding just to try to sniff out that undercover honeysuckle. If your honeysuckle perfume is called Springtime Floral or Garden Fantasy, I’ll never find it. I’ll give up and go somewhere that uses proper scent names.
Here are some more real (and terrible) scent names:
Sensual Amber- How can amber, which is a color, be sensual, or have a scent?
Butterfly Flower- What in the world is a butterfly flower, and what exactly are butterflies supposed to smell like?
Twilight Woods- All we need is another product trying to associate itself with Twilight. And wouldn’t those woods smell like blood?
Moonlight Path- Depending on where this path is, this could mean some very different things.
Dark Kiss- Bath and Body Works newest scent. I wonder what the dark smells like.
Dancing Waters- I’m pretty sure if you wanted to smell like water, you could just splash in some from your tap.
P.S. I Love You- This is a sick joke. Is this really named after that weepy chick-flick?
Sea Island Cotton- Does cotton grow on islands? And aren’t all islands in the sea? Plus, cotton usually just smells like whatever laundry detergent you use to wash it.
Other guest rants by Ryane